While I can’t speak for all martial arts instructors, I can speak to my experience and knowledge on this manner.
To understand what makes a child become aggressive…I think it helps to look at the most obvious real example of aggressive behavior, the school bully.
While a bully acts tough on the outside, he or she is almost always hiding feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem, or being out of control on the inside. The hard outer shell is their way to protect the insecurities and hurt they are feeling on the inside. We know that a bully acts the way they do because of three general reasons…
- They feel hurt and out of control in their life. Someone like a parent might be bullying them and this is their way to try to get some control back. Their mother or father might be coming home miserable with their job and sharing their discontentment with them. Acting out becomes a form of solution.
- They feel angry and scared in their life. Their parents might be fighting, discussing divorce or getting a divorce. As a result of not being able to process these feelings of anger and sadness…they lash out.
- They feel inadequate or insecure in their life. The quickest way to feel adequate or significant is to dominate someone else with fear or threat.
Martial arts, when taught appropriately, nurtures the exact opposite. True martial arts training focuses on character development and fostering the inner strength, confidence and courage that makes a child strong and secure on the inside. It also gives them the confidence and peace of mind to be kind, respectful and compassionate on the outside. A true martial arts is soft on the outside, in terms of their outer personality, and strong on the inside. The bully is tough (hard) on the outside and scared (soft) on the inside.
Confidence and certainty is always associated with peace of mind. Self defense training becomes the tool or vehicle that massively increases these qualities and inner strength. Martial arts does not promote aggressive behavior but instead provides the strength for self expression, social confidence, personal responsibility and peace of mind.
This is one of the reasons that my school does not focus on competition 
or being better than the next student.
True martial arts is about becoming a better version of yourself…
It is not about being better than others, but in helping others, improving yourself
and reaching your peak potential!
It begins with learning about focus and respect…and then builds from there!